This ENTIRE WEBSITE is under construction! I have no experience with HTML <3
My personal blog
11/30/2024 - Cold
One thing I wasn't expecting when I moved to Wisconsin is the dryness.
I knew it was gonna be super duper cold, and the humidity isn't THAT low. But if I walk around outside for like, 2 minutes, I come back in and my knuckles are cracking and red. My lips haven't stopped being chapped since October.
It's crazy the things you just don't think about. I miss bearably warm winters a bit, but I really really love the snow. Even if it's scary to drive in, it's so beautiful I don't think I could go back to not having it.
11/26/2024 -
I am feeling so wonky lately.
I feel like if you shook my head around, you could hear a broken off piece of something rattling around in there.
I'm feeling super stressed and suppressed by my job. It's pretty easy to tell that I'm really not made for employment. I need to be able to just spontaneously do things when I feel like it. I won't be working past this week but I'm still dreading going in.
I'm gonna miss the people and the exercise, but I think ultimately it's better for my mental health to go back to being a homemaker. I was absurdly healthy before I started working, and I only did start working to get us out of the hole we were in until Sky got a new job—which they have! Hopefully when they get past training the pay will be enough to sustain us, but they don't work super long hours which is gonna be great.
So update from literally the next day: i got fired the evening before my final work week started. LMAO
11/4/2024 - Life Update
I worked a couple days at Amazon this week. It was really fun, my anxiety is basically gone now. Sky also has a job which they'll be starting soon. Feeling really good about life.
I also feel like I've been. Super fucking horny lately. Like more so than usual. Maybe it's just another one of those phases, or maybe the T is finally starting to affect my system. Who knows! It feels different this time though.10/23/2024 - Amazon???
so i went to training to do amazon delivery stuff today. it was pretty exhausting but it was probably just the anxiety and the waking up early bc we didn't actually do anything physical. soon we will be doing physical things though. im not even worried about the physical things i just wanna stop being anxious and start being capable of waking up early and maybe ill actually enjoy it. amazon is known to be soul sucking work so i kinda doubt it but i do kinda love delivery driving9/28/2024 - Scammers
God. Nothing pisses me off more than scammers trying to take advantage of desperate people.
We've been going through it lately and someone decided I was a good candidate to take advantage of, I guess.
It really made me mad because a quick $200 would really help us out right now. Pissed me off to the point I even decided to promote my commissions, which I almost never do because I don't value my own art very highly.
If you're interested in a commission, by the way, send me an email or DM me via one of my socials at the bottom of the page. You can check out my recent work here.9/24/2024 - Hospital Moment
I've been having this awful migraine. It got better over yesterday. Last night at about 4am, it suddenly came back really intense. I ended up begging my half asleep fiance to get us an uber to the emergency room.
They gave me a CT scan and nothing seemed wrong. I also had an IV, the first attempt at which made me fully faint. That was fun.
I just laid there with my partner for an indeterminate amount of time in a mildly uncomfortable position getting colder and colder as the IV did its thing. The headache went away by the time the bag was emptied and I was able to go home.
The uber ride home SUCKED. I was freezing and exhausted and it was like 7:30 in the morning. As soon as I got home I laid down in bed under my weighted blanket and proceeded to sleep until 6:30, having a ton of weird dreams and waking up to pee repeatedly. I think it was the Benadryl that made me sleep so much.
Now I'm awake. I made us dinner as soon as I woke up, but I haven't done much else. I want to do yoga, but I'm afraid to do anything physical or even look at a screen too hard lest it come back.
I'd like to get anything done, but I'm so tired and nervous to move that I've just been laying in bed watching YouTube next to Sky while they sleep, like a normal person does at 1am.
Bleh.
9/17/2024 - Have you tried yoga?
No, really.
I hate to be that guy, because I hate that guy, but if you have mental illness, you really should try both yoga and meditation.
It's not that it'll cure you. It almost definitely won't. But I hate to say it does help.
Meditation, in a way that makes it easiest to convey, is kinda like microdosing psychedelics. You get centered and relaxed and more capable of reading your own emotions. Er, it's what happens to me anyway—YMMV.
The biggest roadblock to meditating properly is struggling to center your focus. And that's where yoga comes in. Yoga is just... physical meditation. Oh, you can't focus on centering yourself? Here's some movements to stim with while you're doing it. Plus, it really does help with mild back pain. Like, regular aging back pain or poor posture back pain. I'm not saying shit about clinical issues because I do not have those. If your doctor says it'll help, try it, but I'm not your doctor xD
A couple of my favorite resources are linked below. The guides that helped me break the barrier to just starting these two things. I go back to both of these videos all the time, and Adrienne's videos are awesome.
9/8/2024 - Patches
Hi! I'm gonna be honest, I wanted to make a blog on this website for a while, but I have no idea what I actually wanna put on it. I can talk about my various hyperfixations I guess!
I'm big into sewing and patching stuff right now. My pants are kinda my big main patchboard, both because I have a lot of real estate and, now, because they keep getting frayed. Here's a look at them:
I've seen some way cooler pants in my punk forum (okay fine it's not a forum, it's a Discord server), which has made me want to add way more patches to match their vibe. I'll update you if I do!
My favorite method of customizing patches is by painting with bleach. It's efficient, has a classic punk feel, and it's definitely permanent, unlike using paint. I can't really use stencils much—I'd do it way more often if I didn't have to cut it by hand. It makes my hands cramp. One of these days I'll get a Cricut.
How do I end these things? I'm thinking forum signature. Maybe a new one every time xD
~Beryl
I've seen some way cooler pants in my punk forum (okay fine it's not a forum, it's a Discord server), which has made me want to add way more patches to match their vibe. I'll update you if I do!
